Archive for June, 2008

General

How my group of fixers made my flat my home

The Times, June 20, 2008
- Ginny Dougary

It took time, expense and stress - but I know how not to fix up your home

Ginny and her Flat Fixers

After my six-month odyssey to find a flat in London, following on from decades of family living in Nappy Valley in Wandsworth, I finally had a new home - but fresh challenges lay ahead.

Lucy Russell, of Quintessentially Estates, who had found the flat, reckoned that it would cost about £20,000 tops to knock it into shape. When I questioned this, she said: “Well, you could pay more but only if you really wanted to go for the ‘bling’ factor.” In the event, it cost about four times that amount - even with various deals, and the support of my model bank manager at NatWest.

Since, dear readers, my travails are meant to be instructive, let me say this: if at all possible do not do what I did. Do not, in other words, go it alone.

Find yourself a builder who has been highly recommended by friends and get him to bring in his own team of electricians, plumbers, carpenters, painter-decorators and so on. His fee may sound expensive but it will save you money in the long run and, more importantly, your sanity.

My first choice was Les, plumber extraordinaire, and a friend of a friend. He is, however, based in Brighton and when he came up with his quote for all the work it seemed too much. This was surely, I reasoned, because of travelling time and petrol.

Big mistake. If anyone could have saved me heartache and headaches, it would have been Les - but I was not to know that at the time.

The two main considerations were knocking down walls to open up the space and creating a second bathroom. This was such an anxiety for me that I paid three separate fees to establish that the walls were not load-bearing. The second bathroom was a particular concern. Les was completely confident that this could be accomplished with ease - and had done something similar many times before. I tried to get my head round soil pipes and lowered ceilings but it bothered me that I didn’t really know what he was talking about.

In the end, I contacted an old mate, Danny, who is a gifted artist but pays his bills with building work. As he lives up the road from my new gaff, it made sense for him to carry out the bulk of the job. He brought in an electrician, Russell (the spitting image of Richard Gere), and the flat renovations began to take off.

If Lucy Russell was the heroine of my last story, Danny Levy is the hero of the refurb. He was sorely tried but then, I would have to say, so was I. All the men, even the lovely ones (which most of them were) became exasperated by my barrage of questions. Danny would draw sectional designs on reams of plaster-coated paper but the only way I could comprehend his ideas was when he would make Blue Peter-style 3-D structures out of cardboard.

While Dan was smashing and bashing on Regents Canal, I was on the internet in Brighton sourcing lights and radiators. Who knew that the humble domestic rad could become such an object of desire? The range by Bisque was by far the most attractive (amazing colours and shapes) and that was what I went for, even though they were the most expensive.

I discovered that John Lewis offered an interior design service and was assigned the effervescent and ever-helpful Louis Dayanc. Louis was punctilious - from overseeing the laying of the carpet around a tricky landing (the fitter came back three times) to discussing blinds and fabrics and making sure that the kitchen appliances arrived. He also provided much-needed light relief, going into a lilac swoon when the gruff carpet-man announced: “Just push hard against the crotch.” Some aspects of the job went like a dream. The National Grid people were tremendous and fast-tracked an engineer to come round and move the meter. The Farrow&Ball main office was incredibly helpful both with supplies and sending one of its top designers, Joa, to inspect the property.

I had completed on the property at the end of August and my aim was to move in by Christmas. There was a real deadline, as for personal reasons I needed to have a home in London for my younger son come the first week of January. This news was greeted by mass tut-tutting from the blokes - “Unrealistic”, “isn’t going to happen” blah blah blah - but I was the Boadicea of this building project, and was resolute that it would.

Over Christmas - when the entire workforce took three weeks off - I managed to find some young men who were prepared to put down the all-important wooden floor downstairs. The floor was a success, so I asked the same team to install the new glass doors. This was the beginning of a sorry saga. The wrong measurements had been given to the glass supplier (who to blame?), which the chippy discovered only after trying to make them fit in the frames without success. He did not come back and it took me weeks and weeks to find anyone else who was prepared to rectify the problem.

The new bathroom was another challenge: so many men, so much effort and such a lot of money for such a tiny space. It is, however, now my pride and joy.

I am pleased with almost all my decisions about the design. Early on, I went to the top-end kitchen people Poggenpohl to pick their brains about how to get their look for less. They recommended that I go for mid-range appliances but invest in a composite worktop that would lift the whole kitchen. I followed their advice and find it a real pleasure to use something all the time that is understated but looks and feels so good.

Six months on and my younger son and I - (the older son, at university, is pleased to have a room when he’s back, too) - are looking forward to our first summer exploring the area as the canal-lined trees burst into colour and the houseboat owners start to sun themselves on their decks. It has been a long journey but it’s good to have a home of our own again.

Cast list

Architect/consultant: Furnell Associates. Bathroom: World’s End Tiles (which also suggested its own tiler, John, and Ben the Mastik man); C.P.Hart (which offers a design service); Burge and Gunson.

Beds: Vi-Spring. Blinds: John Lewis.

Glass: Fusion Design.

Lighting: Forbes and Lomax, Lumino (Lithoss), Freedom of Creation, London Lighting. Paint: Farrow&Ball.

Radiators: Bisque; Brighton Designer Radiators. Wallpaper: Jocelyn Warner. Worktop: Expert Marble and Granite.

Celebrities, Radio

Is John Humphrys really the pussycat of Radio 4?

The Times, June 14, 2008
- Ginny Dougary

John Humphrys has a reputation as the rottweiler of Today. But interrogating the interrogator, Ginny Dougary discovers a self-critical soul who talks of life, death, fear and fatherhood

John Humphrys

John Humphrys, the so-called rottweiler of Radio 4, is in fact a pussycat. This would have been more of a surprise if I were one of the six million-odd regular listeners of the Today programme, where Humphrys has honed his interrupting skills with filibustering politicians over the past 21 years, but since I can think of nothing less soothing than starting my day with the soundtrack of argumentative discourse on governmental policy, this is not the case.

Journalists tend to be the most unrewarding interviewees and in some respects Humphrys is no exception. He is more careful than the most circumspect politician, super-alert to the possibility that he might be tripped up by a trick question into revealing more than is good for him. I had no idea, for instance, that his job would make him quite so paranoid about discussing politics in any shape or form – which is a bit like interviewing Peter Hall and discovering that he will not comment on the future of theatre.

This means that we cannot talk about the rise of the New Tories other than in the blandest terms: “It’s exactly what happened in 1997, isn’t it? It’s the political wheel turning. It’s what happens. Whether it will continue…” Do you think it will? “Well, I wouldn’t like to offer a judgment about that. I can’t because I’m making a political judgment. I can’t. I really can’t. Do you see? I know it’s silly of me. It isn’t silly of me. No, it’s sensible.” Not for the first time, I have the sense that he is arguing with himself. “I know it’s boring.” It is a bit boring. “I’m sorry, but I can’t honestly say to you, ‘Yes, I think David Cameron is going to smash Gordon Brown at the next election.’” What he will say is: “We’ve had 13 years effectively of New Labour ascendancy – only 11 years in power, admittedly [he includes the last two years of Major’s reign] – but it will be 15 years by the time, if Brown is thrown out at the next election.” Which will be? “My guess is May 2010 but…” Are you good at such predictions? “Hopeless. Almost always get it wrong – hopeless.”

This “I’m hopeless” refrain is another surprise. I’ve never come across a man who puts himself down so frequently in a series of pre-emptive strikes against himself, and I had rather thought, but this was before our meeting, that Humphrys might suffer from a certain smug self-regard.

Referring to a live interview he did with Tracey Emin – who apparently told him that he was the rudest man she had ever met – he said, “I – with brilliant, startling originality – suggested to her that maybe she hadn’t won [the Turner prize] because it was an unmade bed and, you know, with the vast depth and knowledge that I have of art, was this hard?” They met again on Have I Got News for You when Humphrys was presenter – “I wasn’t very good. Well, they didn’t ask me back which proved I wasn’t very good. It was good fun but I was nervous. I was all right but I don’t have that… I don’t have the Boris [magic?]…” Another unfinished sentence. He doesn’t get to see the programme very often, he says, because (with his 3.30am wake-up call for Today) it’s too late for him.

We have a long verbal ramble around the tricky task of interviewing politicians. Why Humphrys continues to be essential listening for many journalists – and the reason why he is so popular with listeners generally – is that he simply will not allow politicians to waffle on without answering his questions. The alternative to not interrupting them would be to allow them to use their alloted slot to get their point across unchallenged. What is interesting is that Humphrys himself is a bit of a waffler.

His conversation is peppered with “Here’s another little digression” and “I’ll answer your question in a minute”. At one point I’m exasperated enough to interrupt The Great Interrupter himself: “Where is this going, John?” And several minutes later (bewildered): “I’m getting a bit… I don’t know where we’re going with this…” “I know. I know,” he says, then, “That’s not my fault, that’s your fault – you’re the interviewer,” which is a fair point, but then my rottweiler skills are clearly no match for his.

The point Humphrys seems to want to get across is that he has been unfairly cast as an aggressive interviewer. When he started out he admits that this was true: “I suppose I thought, ‘I’ve got to make a name for myself and prove that I’m tougher than anybody else.’” He still winces when I mention an interview with John Hume, then leader of SDLP, in 1993, which commentators described as particularly bullying. “It’s hard to bully John Hume because he’s a very tough guy and bright but, yeah, that was bad. I was trying to make a name for myself and I was showing off. The audience has an immense sense of fairness, spotted it instantly and quite rightly ripped me apart.”

He goes on to say: “There is a great myth, I think, about interviewing – and you’d expect me to say this, I know, and it’s a bit self-serving and the rest of it, given the kind of interviewer that I am seen to be – which is that if you were only a bit nicer to politicians and treat them with, give them…They will tell you all kinds of things they didn’t intend to say. That I think is absolute tosh because the kind of people that are likely to be interviewed, the ones in Cabinet or whatever, are very, very bright by and large, and know when they come on exactly what it is they want to say.

“And if you looked at every serious political interview I’d done over the past 21 years, a handful of those would have been pretty devastating for the politician, a handful will have resulted in utter demolition of the interviewer, and most of them will have been neither – which is a very ungrabby answer from your point of view, but it’s honestly the way it is.”

He says that learning about policies is secondary and that his primary mission is to leave the listener with a bit more insight into the character of the politician. There are plenty of political commentators who know far more than he does about what’s going on in Westminster. Humphrys has always maintained an outsider’s distance from those particular corridors but, “even if I do an interview that is information-light – where you don’t learn anything that will make a front-page splash on your newspaper the following morning – if I’ve done my job properly you will still have learnt something because what I try to do is get under the skin of the politician.”

In a chatty telephone conversation we had before meeting up, Humphrys mentioned a smart party he’d once attended with a girlfriend he was trying to impress. The host was David Frost, who welcomed him like a long-lost friend – although they had never met – asking about his two grown-up children by name. This was useful for gaining kudos points with his date, but what intrigued Humphrys was that Frost had been similarly briefed to greet every guest as he worked the room. Part of him was clearly impressed by such conscientious schmoozing but, I suspect, a greater part of him rather despised it. Certainly, he seems to have a bit of a thing about Frost since he has beefed about the man’s interviewing technique many times over the years.

He has no problem, he says – this is clearly, to use his own word, “tosh” – with the sort of interviewing that takes the form of “an agreeable conversation” where the Prime Minister or Chancellor is allowed to say whatever he likes: “Although I used to find it incredibly frustrating when I did On the Record and Frost came on before that and they got the biggest interviews, almost always.” You think it was an extension of public relations? “Well, that’s being a bit unkind, but it is, sort of.”

The most common complaint about the Today programme, he says, is that politicians never answer the question, so what is the point in having them on. Humphrys’ view is that a politician’s very inability to respond to a reasonable question reveals something about his or her character. He mentions a particular woman politician – “I’m not going to use names because I can’t, but everybody knows the particular minister – you only have to say her name and every editor and presenter would say ‘Oh God’ because of the way she handled interviews.

“It’s not only women, but this particular one treats the interviewer like an idiot and by extension treats the audience like an idiot, and the effect on her is immensely damaging. Patronising. ‘Look, I really have answered the question’ – ‘No you haven’t, so let me ask it again.’ What they’re doing is deliberately not answering the question and they’re fighting off every attempt on your part to learn a bit more about them and their approach – in a way that somebody like Thatcher, for instance, never did.”

Before we get on to Baroness Thatcher, I try my damndest to get Humphrys to reveal the name. My guess is Harriet Harman because of the interview she did as Social Security Secretary (1997-1998) when she refused at least 13 times to answer questions put to her by Humphrys after a leaked government document revealed plans for sweeping cuts in disability benefits. But when I ask him directly he says: “I’m not giving you a name – no, no, I’m really not – but, actually, no, I wasn’t thinking of Harriet Harman.”

He has had a number of journalistic heroes over the years. Brian Redhead, whom he joined on the Today programme, was a “superb interviewer” – he rolls out the word “sooopurb” sounding very Welsh – “the best all-round broadcaster the BBC’s ever had. At his peak, he was my role model. And to be sitting next to Brian Redhead! My God, I couldn’t get over it. Brian Walden was another kind of hero, quite different, but also superb.” Charles Wheeler, the BBC’s longest-serving foreign correspondent (whose barrister daughter, Marina, is married to Boris Johnson), is up there, too.

Wheeler’s name comes up in the context of Mrs T – “I don’t know whether Charles will thank me for telling this story…” Do go on. “It was when she was doing her Iron Lady thing and made that extraordinary trip to Moscow. A British prime minister going to the heart of the communist enemy’s camp – you know – and they came out in their thousands. She’d left London at four in the morning, flown here and there, meetings, doing all those walkabouts. She was making history and Charles and I were both waiting to interview her at the British Embassy.

“It must have been about midnight when she came into the room, walked straight up to Charles – ignored me totally – and you could see the electricity flowing. Charles is a man who holds a certain appeal to women – always has done anyway – and you could see the sparks bouncing between them. They might almost have been making love. It was wonderful and I just sat there going, ‘Wow!’” Did you say anything to him afterwards? “God no! He was one of my heroes. I was intimidated by him.”

He was also intimidated by the lady herself. This was pre-Today, in the years when he was a foreign correspondent and he was keenly aware that there were big gaps in his political knowledge: “I’d never worked in Westminster, I wasn’t part of that scene… She had a fearsome reputation obviously and she was, indeed, terrifying. She really did have that aura of power around her.”

Can you convey that to me? “The way she looked at you was interesting, because once you started the interview, she would not look into your eyes but at a point in the middle of your forehead and she would talk to you like this [gazing at my forehead] ‘I really think, Mr Humphrys, that was a very foolish question.’ Oh…” he almost shudders, “she was just terrifying and took me apart. Oh yes, absolutely. It doesn’t help if you begin the interview scared of the person you’re interviewing because you will blow it.”

All these references to Humphrys being terrified and intimidated go along with his anxiety to prove that he is not as aggressive as his reputation. Being a clever chap, he is probably aware that humanising himself by displaying his own vulnerabilities might make for a more sympathetic portrait. There is something else going on here, too. One of his more interesting questions to me was whether I thought he was still a bully, and I pointed out his first words when I arrived at the Hammersmith home he shares with his partner, Valerie Sanderson – a News 24 presenter – and their eight-year-old son Owen. He had asked me how I was and I said “Good, thanks.” “Oh,” he said. “You’ve obviously not read my books [on the abuses of the English language]. I hate that Americanism.” I retorted that this response was, in fact, an Australianism and a good-natured wrangle ensued. But if I were a different sort of personality might this “welcome”, at the very least, not have been almost guaranteed to put one off one’s stride? He says that as a reader of my pieces (another adroit ego-massaging touch), and having spoken on the phone, he knew that I was not the timid type. But the longer we spoke around the table of his Country Living kitchen, the more biddable he became. At one point, when he had got up to answer his phone for the third time, I said crossly: “Could you please turn it off, you naughty boy,” and he meekly replied: “I will.”

Bob Humphrys, one of John’s three siblings (the youngest, Christine, died when he was four), gave a joint interview back in 1995 and talked about how they had recently spent a couple of weekends together, “talking about how our background has made us what we are today. Occasionally I become very morose and introverted, and John revealed he feels the same way.”

When I asked him what his brother meant by this, Humphrys said he had no idea. But, as he admits, he has a shockingly bad memory. On the telephone, he confessed that he had recently forgotten the name of one of his guests on the Today programme and had an awkward moment trying to cover it up. “I do not have a very good memory,” he said, “which is one of the reasons why I try not to tell lies.”

There is nothing remotely morose or introverted about the Humphrys I meet. On the contrary, he is immensely likeable – warm, engaged, with a ready smile and great bursts of laughter. He does have a sense of humour, although his own attempts at jokes are a bit awkward, something I remember from his hosting the press awards one year. In our interview, he launches into a bizarre riff about his radio personality: “Everybody knows that I am a sunny, eternally optimistic, switched on, ‘down there with the hoods’ or whatever the expression is, so I don’t attempt to conceal it. Frankly the difference between Evan Davis [the openly gay presenter of the Today programme] and me, well you couldn’t put a cigarette paper between us. Me and Evan, we’re out clubbing every night, we go to the same kind of clubs, we enjoy the same kind of music…” What is this very long joke? “Yes, all right,” he says. “It’s not very funny, is it?”

But it is only when we move away from the politics to the personal that he really opens up and, in particular, about that background which cannot help but have formed him. He was born and brought up in the unlovely-sounding Splott, a working-class area of Cardiff. His mother, Winifred, was a hairdresser and his father, Edward, was a self-employed French polisher who voted Tory until Thatcher. Despite both of his parents working long hours, there were times of real hardship when the children went to bed hungry. He has said that the priority was always to make sure the breadwinner – his father – was fed before anyone else. He grew up to the sound of his parents arguing (nearly always about money), and he never remembers them once addressing each other by name. There was one particularly dreadful night when his father wept, which Humphrys now assumes was the start of a nervous breakdown.

John was the bright one of the family who got into the local grammar school, where he was miserable (one of the reasons he left at 15 to become a reporter) and keenly aware of being the only boy in his class to have an outside loo, as he probably did not call it then. In his street there was never a question of going into each other’s houses for the luxury of afternoon tea, so when he was invited to a classmate’s house – he even remembers the boy’s name, Bolton; it was the sort of school where pupils addressed each other by their surnames – the experience made quite an impression. “It was a beautiful place with a lovely back garden and I remember a stream. From the point of view of somebody who’d been brought up the way I was, it was indescribably comfortable. There was sugar in a bowl and milk in a jug and jam, jam in a nice thing, and different sorts of jam and… It was wonderful. I was enormously jealous, of course.”

He describes his father as always being “a hard man. There was no sense of being loving – I mean he never hugged me.” Are you huggy with Owen? “Oh yeah, all the time. He probably gets fed up with it. No, actually, I don’t think he does. He likes it. Well, anyway…” Whenever Humphrys talks about his boy, his face creases with tenderness. He admits to being completely besotted.

Back to his father whose ghastly final years have prompted Humphrys to write a new book on dying. Although alcoholism runs in the family – both his grandfather and uncle died of it, and he reckons he was in danger of becoming one himself back in the double-martini-lunchtime of journalism – Humphrys’ father was never a big drinker. But after his wife died, Edward’s personality changed and he started drinking a bottle and a half of Scotch every day. It took a while for the family to realise that he was descending into dementia. He wasn’t forgetful or walking into the street half-naked, but “he was incredibly cruel to my sister, who cared for him and was a wonderful, fabulous woman”.

Did you ever feel like punching him? “Yes.” Did you? “Good God, no. Towards the end, I disliked him intensely at times but because he was so incredibly strong physically we didn’t recognise what was happening to his brain, and his last years – and it was ten long years – were awful, absolutely bloody awful.”

Towards the end, he refused to live with anyone, refused to go into a home, tried to drink himself to death, collapsed and was rushed into hospital where he stopped eating in his desperation to end his misery. But, of course, this was not an option so in went the drips and his father carried on surviving. He lasted six weeks in a home before being transferred to a mental hospital “which was hideous. He spent most of the day shouting, just shouting. It was hell.

“In the end, we did find him a home where they were good and humane and decent but still… It shouldn’t have happened. He was a man who prized… he went blind when he was young and all those things, and dignity mattered to him more than anything. They used to call him The Count.” Was he aware that he’d lost his dignity? “Absolutely. It was the ultimate torture, in some ways, utter helplessness and I know that if I’d been able to give him a glass of something…”, a sentence that doesn’t need an ending.

He remained friendly with his wife, Edna, after their split in the late Eighties (some years after he first met Val) and he says: “I will always feel guilty because it wasn’t all that long after we divorced that she got cancer.” He was in the room with her when she died. “I couldn’t talk to her because by the time I arrived she was unconscious but they are so bloody brilliant in these hospices. It was a big room that she was in and it was nine o’clock at night. They hadn’t turned on the lights and there was this soft light coming in from the corridor. I was sitting at the window in the corner and the nurse who came in didn’t see me. She bent over to her and stroked her forehead and talked to her and obviously my wife couldn’t hear her but she just said something and, you know, it felt like… love. If I could have done, I would have gone over and hugged the nurse. Every so often there was that sighing noise that dying people make, fairly steady and then ‘ahhhhh’ and then…”

Do you fear death yourself? “Yeah. I think most people do. It’s a cliché but you fear what’s going to come afterwards, even though I don’t think anything will come afterwards. Fear is probably the wrong word but I don’t want to die.” Humphrys will be 65 in August. He still runs regularly, plays tennis – there are courts opposite his home – and with second dadhood he seems to have shrugged off much of his grumpy old man persona. He bounces around the kitchen in his black jeans and trainers like a super-energised Tigger. His present contract with the Today programme ends in February 2009 but he sees no reason why he shouldn’t continue doing what he’s doing until he’s 80: “Assuming I could contain the dribbling.”

He admits that he was nervous about starting a family all over again, “whether I might resent this little kid for buggering up my life as it were.” But this time round, he was there for the birth and “it was a wonderful, yes, wonderful thing to see and to be handed this little bundle.” It’s Owen, he says, who has reversed the inflexibility that tends to come with the onset of later years. “The opposite has happened to me because of him. He’s the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me.”

* * *

John Humphrys speaks at the Althorp Literary Festival on June 14; for further information, call 01604 770107. In God We Doubt: Confessions of a Failed Atheist, Hodder, £7.99

General

How buying agents found my dream home in London

The Times, June 13, 2008
- Ginny Dougary

If your own search for a flat proves futile, it can pay to turn to the professionals

Ginny in her dream home

This time last year I was renting an open-plan flat high up in a mustard-coloured tower next to Tate Modern and thinking of writing something AbsoLoftly Fabulous about the renting life, with its bank of 24-hour porters and fishbowl windows. After my decades in Wandsworth’s Nappy Valley, it was more like the glamour of Sex and the City (without the racy bits).

The stint of renting was an experiment - a bridge between one life and another. We had just packed up and struggled to sell the family home - moving home is stressful - up there with divorce, bereavement and losing your job. Little did I know that my hunt for a more permanent home would entail such stress that I would eventually need professional help, in the form of a search agent.

From the start, it was dispiriting dealing with estate agents. They were too busy to talk; phone calls were not returned. What made it particularly galling was the shift from being pestered daily when my husband and I were selling the family home to being sneered at for having only half-a-million at my disposal as a prospective buyer.

I made forays into the area where we had lived before our separation to see what I could afford. I was looking for two bedrooms and perhaps some sort of outdoor space. One low point was looking at a lower-ground flat: it had a landscaped garden and a light, open-plan living-dining space. However, the street-level master bedroom was opposite a busy school entrance, and the other bedroom at the back looked out on to a brick wall. Like all the other flats I looked at, the entrance hall was dingy, with a stained carpet and a heap of discarded mail.

This vision of reduced circumstances in an area steeped in memories persuaded me to go for something completely different, hence the inner-city loft. Frustrated by unhelpful estate agents I resorted to more unorthodox means. One day, I saw men working on the balcony of a council flat with views of St Paul’s Cathedral and wangled my way inside - but it was too small and had been sold anyway.

Across the river, Clerkenwell seemed appealing, with its pretty squares and historic churches - but the prices were even higher. At one point, I considered buying a new-build in the area. The developer was a woman - rather unusually - and we met on site to look at plans, with an architect friend who asked questions such as about the height of ceilings, for instance, which are often low in new developments. My flat would have had a view of an old oak tree and, beyond it, a beautiful church and gardens but it was surrounded by three big roads. What made me particularly anxious was the unfamiliar idea of buying something which I hadn’t seen - and that at £630,000 I would have been in a permanent state about the mortgage.

As the months went by, I cast my net more widely. Nearly everything in my price range was grim in some way. In Bloomsbury, some agents I spoke to made it clear that it was hardly worth their while to register me.

There was one fabulous flat - the top two floors of a building in Kennington. The owner had transformed the roof into a wonderful decked garden. The flat was in one of those little pockets of pretty streets in Kennington that are surrounded by huge neglected council estates. When I called the local police station to ask about the area, the friendly copper said: “Let’s put it this way, I wouldn’t buy there if you paid me, and I’d give your son five months at the outside before he got mugged.” That settled that.

My mortgage broker joined in the search and lobbed internet details my way every day. On one of these phonecalls, the agent suggested that he could moonlight as a search agent for me - meaning that he would tip me off about a property and I would pay him a finders’ fee. I’m still not quite sure whether this meant that he would get double-dibs.

This was when I decided that what I needed was a bona fide search agent - the drawback being the extra expense of their fees. The plan was to set up three search agents covering different territories and provide them with my list of requirements. But the moment Lucy Russell from Quintessentially Estates walked in, my problems were over. Even in the course of that initial meeting, she seemed genuine, with-it and determined to come up with the goods.

Unlike her competitors, Lucy kept in touch and within a couple of weeks had three properties for me that we whittled down to two. One was back in my old neighbourhood: it had a huge living room, vast rooms in the basement but too dark for my taste.

The flat I ended up buying was a real find, and it took Lucy to find it. It ticked all the boxes and more: exceptionally light, communal gardens at the back, a lovely park at the front, terrific shops and restaurants near by, two Tube stations within a five-minute walk, and millionaire views of Regents Canal… all for £550,000.

But Lucy’s job did not stop there. She hold my hand through the negotiations, soothing and firm in turn, and then was a real ally in round two - how a hapless hack became an interior decorator.

FACT FILE:

The main advantages of using a buying agent are the savings in time and money - they can often get you a deal, too - and access to properties not available on the open market.

Costs vary but there is usually a registration fee (between £500 and £2,500) and then a percentage of the purchase price (usually between 1 per cent and 3 per cent).

Buying agents will go to any lengths to find their client the perfect home - meeting requests for helipads, music studios, dog showers or even built-in tunnels.

CONTACTS:

Quintessentially Estates

Property Vision

Stacks Property Search and Acquisition

Garrington Home Finders